Dumbledore's List
by AppleJuiceMaster
Summary: Dumbledore gives everyone a list of questions, which they have to answer HONESTLY! Warning, there's swearing in this story and of course the usual insanity! New: Voldemort's answers! (about bloody time, too..)
1. The announcement

Dumbledore cleared his throat and the Great Hall became silent at once. 'I've got a small surprise for you...' People started to smile. 'I'm not sure whether you should be happy or not...' The smile became curious looks. Dumbledore continued. 'Everyone gets a parchment with some questions on it. There's a Truth Spell on it, so cheating won't help. Oh and with that, when you don't answer honestly, you'll get an electric shock. Have fun!'  
  
Suddenly, everyone had a piece of parchment in front of them, quill and ink.  
  
Dumbledore smiled when everyone, including staff, started to fill in their list of questions and thought, 'This will be interesting...'  
  
~*~  
  
'Headmaster... these questions, they are totally ridiculous!' Severus Snape complained. 'What's so bad about them?' Dumbledore asked, with a twinkling in his eyes. 'You know that very well! "Do you have any piercings, if so, where?", "What colour socks are you wearing right now?", I'm not going to answer these damn questions!!'  
  
Dumbledore sighed. 'That's too bad, Severus... Pity, I was just thinking what a wonderful Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher you would be...' Snape scowled. 'Damn you...' The Headmaster smiled at himself, he still had his manipulate skills...  
  
~*~  
  
Draco Malfoy smirked. He could cheat. Of course he could... Like Muggle electricity would be so bad it would bring a Malfoy down... Never! ' "Do you have any tatoo's... if so, where..."' He muttered to himself, grinning. ' "No." ' 'ARGGH!' Draco screamed as he got a shock. 'Damn it!!!' he changed his answer immediately. ' "Perhaps." ARRGHH!!!!! FUCK!!!!! There just GOT to be a way to cheat at this!'  
  
~*~  
  
' "Do you have any kinky fantasies?" ...All right, Dumbledore really is freaking me out now..." Ron muttered to Harry, who nodded. 'It's going from bad to even worse with every question...' They looked up when Hermione screeched.  
  
Ron gasped. 'Hermione! Did you try to CHEAT?!!' She looked at him, nervously. 'Errr... No! Noooo... not at all...' Ron, being naïve, simply said, 'Oh OK than...' Hermione silently laughed. 'Sucka...'  
  
~*~  
  
'SON OF A BITCH!!!' Snape yelled, getting a shock for the twentieth time. 'I QUIT WITH THIS SHIT!!!' Everyone stared at him. 'IT'S RIDICULOUS AND I REFUSE TO CONTINUE!' He threw his quill on the table, crossed his arms and looked stubborn.  
  
'Come on, Severus... it's not THAT bad!' McGonagall kindly said. 'That's because you've been a Gryffindor, Gryffindors just don't lie!!' He replied simply. 'THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, SIR!' Hermione yelled, laughing maniacally. Now it was her turn to be stared at.  
  
'I AM CHEATING, AND THOSE ELECTRICAL SHOCKS REAAAALLY TURN ME ON!!' She continued. 'Told you she was mental, told you on the first damn day!' Ron said to Harry. 'COME HERE, SEVVIE, I WANNA KISS YOU!!!' Hermione ran over to Snape, who ran away, yelling 'GET IT AWAY!!! GET IT AWAYYYY!!! EWWW GIRLS HAVE COOTIES!!!!'  
  
Draco frowned. 'Ewww... cooties...' His hair was standing in all directions possible, as he just kept on trying to cheat on the test. 'The shocks ARE kind of erotic, she's right about that...'  
  
'I'm very sorry about this, Miss Granger, but... Stupify!' Dumbledore's spell hit Hermione, who fell on the ground, relieving Severus. 'Thanks... I'm glad I didn't get any cooties from her... Girls are gross...But still, I'm *not* going to continue that damn test!' He crossed his arms again. 'I can make her wake up just as easily, Severus...' Dumbledore threatened. The Potionsmaster immediately sat on his chair again, picked up his quill and fill in the rest of the questions.  
  
The Headmaster sighed, slightly annoyed. 'Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea after all...' He looked into the Great Hall, seeing a lot of people nearly electrified. 'If you're done answering the questions, you can give the parchments to me...'  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Next Chapter: Severus Snape's answers!  
  
Please review, my lovely... readers... *I'm a professional asskisser, aren't I!* 


	2. Severus Snape's answers!

Disclaimer: Forgot this one in the first chappy, I do not own. I'd wish I did, though...  
  
Full Name: Severus I-Hate-You-Albus Snape  
  
Age: 38 (Bet you didn't expect that...)  
  
Height: Long enough to beat up the damn kids...  
  
Hair colour: Black.  
  
Eyes: Some say grey, some say black, and one once said pink. But he was colour-blind...  
  
Birthplace: London.  
  
Current residence: Hogwarts. Though I'm seriously thinking of leaving...  
  
Favourite place lived: Tough one... I have lived in a lot of places... I guess Amsterdam was my favourite, legal weed!!  
  
Do you have any piercings, if so, where: Have one in my right ear. But if you tell anyone that, I'm afraid I have to kill you.  
  
Do you have any tatoo's, if so, where? Well, as everyone knows, the damn Dark Mark, apart from that, n- *gets shock* ARHGH!!!! GODDAMN YOU, ALBUS!! I admit it, someone once got me very very... VERY drunk, and made me get a 'Sevvie rules' tattoo on my arse... Damn you, Minerva, DAMN YOU!!  
  
Do you have any pets: Why should I? I hate anima- *gets shock* ARGH! OK, OK! I've got an owl, 2 cats and 5 cute tarantula's. Happy now?!  
  
Ever been in love: I'd lie if I'd say no. And believe me, I want to. But I don't want to get another damn shock!  
  
**Bad habit**: Chain smoking. I just can't help it, all those damn kids really stress me out!!  
  
Are you addicted to anything, if so, what: Not real- *gets shock* ALL RIGHT, I love chocolate!! And when I was younger, I was quite a pothead, there!  
  
**Favourite word**: Dunderheads. It's just funny to say.  
  
Favourite day of the week: Saturday, no classes to teach!  
  
Favourite non-alcoholic drink: What?! No alcohol?! This is a real tough one... Muggle Cola is all right, I guess...  
  
**Favourite 'naughty' word**: Tit!  
  
**Favourite part of the body**: Eyes. They are the soul of a person...  
  
Favourite movie: You mean, Muggle movies?! I've got no fav- *gets shocked again* DOGMA! There's just something about that Metatron guy...  
  
Favourite TV-show: Jerry Springer is quite enjoyable, actually. It's fun to yell 'JERRY! JERRY!!' when the Muggles attack eachother once again!  
  
Favourite song: I don't listen to mu- *gets shock* OZZY OSBOURNE'S 'DREAMER'!!  
  
Favourite holiday: Doesn't matters, as long as I don't have to teach those kids...  
  
Favourite food: I'm a sucker for chocolate, as I said before. Another reason why I hate Lupin, he always stole my chocolate and gave it to those Gryffindors...  
  
Favourite sport: Quidditch. What else?!  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did: That was probably joining the Death Eaters...  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did (in public): Not going to answ- *gets shock* CUT IT OUT!!! Argh! Ok... Ok... That one time when Lucius Malfoy and I dressed up like whores in Muggle London... We got arrested for that. Damn Muggle cops...  
  
**Silliest job you ever had**: I think teaching a bunch of kids how to make potions is pretty silly!  
  
**Silliest word**:Titbread.  
  
What colour socks are you wearing right now: Black.  
  
What colour underwear are you wearing right now: You honestly want me to answer this one?! *gets shock* OK, BLACK!  
  
Most annoying thing is: Gryffindors...  
  
~Now for the questions everyone wants to know!~  
  
Are you a virgin: What kind of questions are these?!! No!  
  
Ever had sex: Isn't this the exact same question as befo- *gets shock* YES, I'M NOT A VIRGIN, SO YES! ... Bastard...  
  
Are you gay: Who says so?! WHO SAYS SO?!?! I'm not going to answer this o- *gets shock* Perhaps!! Just... piss off.  
  
Are you attracted to the same sex: What the f- *gets shock* IT'S THE EXACT SAME QUESTION, AGAIN!!!! PERHAPS!  
  
Do you have any kinky fantasies, if so, what: *thinks* I guess I did everything I could think of... so no, not anymore... But I mean, come on, I live in a friggin' dungeon!  
  
Last question, do you think Azkaban is a kinky place: If it is anything like my dungeon, yes.  
  
Thank you for your time.  
  
Quote:  
  
Alan Rickman: "You can buy a Snape doll if you're that insane."  
  
~~ Hehe, that was pretty weird, huh! Liked it? Hate it? Tell me! Next chapter: Draco Malfoy's answers!~~ 


	3. Draco Malfoy's answers!

Full Name: Draco Sinclair Malfoy  
  
Age: Am in fifth year. Count yourself, bastard!  
  
Height: Average  
  
Hair colour: Blonde! *gets shock* SON OF A... alright, I admit it, my real hair colour is black... I have to dye it or else Father will kill me for ruining a Malfoy's name...  
  
Eyes: Light blue/grey  
  
Birthplace: My Mothers' bed. *gets shock* Liverpool!!  
  
Current residence: Hogwarts.  
  
Favourite place lived: Òh, I don't know really, Hogwarts is nice, in what other place do I get the chance to poke fun of The Boy Who Tragically Enough, Lived.  
  
Do you have any piercings, if so, where: Next question, please! *get shock* DAMN IT!!! I've got a... nipple piercing. But please don't tell Father, it was more like an accident! AN ACCIDENT. COMPRENDO?  
  
Do you have any tatoo's, if so, where: No. *gets shock* AARGGH!! Perhaps. *gets another shock* JESUS CHRIST, STOP IT!!! *sighs* Ok, I've got a dragon on my back. But again, please don't tell Father!  
  
Do you have any pets: I've got an eagle, and at home I've got two ferrets... Which I don't like anymore, because of the 'Moody incident'...  
  
Ever been in love: I'm a Malfoy, no!! *gets shock* YES, BEEN IN LOVE, ALL RIGHT!  
  
**Bad habit**: Taunting Potter and co? Stealing other people's stuff? Being better than the rest? Choose your favourite.  
  
Are you addicted to anything, if so, what: Actually, I've got a secret stash of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans, and I deal them. Wanna buy some?  
  
**Favourite word**: Mudblood!!  
  
Favourite day of the week: Don't care, really...  
  
Favourite non-alcoholic drink: That would be pumpkin juice, I guess...  
  
**Favourite 'naughty' word**: Err... Mudblood is a very naughty word, right? *doesn't get it*  
  
**Favourite part of the body**: Hair. Especially my own.  
  
Favourite movie: That's for Muggles!! *gets shock* WELL, I always liked Lion King! Scar is my favourite character, for your information.  
  
Favourite TV-show: None. *gets, once again, a shock* SAILORMOON, PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!  
  
Favourite song: 'I'm Too Sexy' from the Muggle band Right Said Fred. Probably because I can relate to it.  
  
Favourite holiday: Every day is a holiday when you're as pretty as me!  
  
Favourite food: I like spicy Italian food, so as long as it's Italian, it's all good  
  
Favourite sport: Quidditch, but I do hope I'll WIN sometime!!  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did: One time, I tried to ride a Muggle skateboard, and I fell and landed on my face! I looked like shit, it was the worst day of my entire life!  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did (in public): Well, being turned into a ferret and embarrassed is pretty stupid, neh?  
  
**Silliest job you ever had**: Er, never had a job...  
  
**Silliest word**: Dingo.  
  
What colour socks are you wearing right now: *checks* Errrrm... Slytherin green with silver snakes...  
  
What colour underwear are you wearing right now: *checks* Blue!! *gets shock* AUGH!! Ok, ok, pink...  
  
Most annoying thing is: These stupid questions  
  
~Now for the questions everyone wants to know!~  
  
Are you a virgin: No... *gets shock* I'll confess... I am.  
  
Ever had sex: Huh? Wasn't the other question the sa- *gets shock* No!  
  
Are you gay: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmm... *thinks for a long time* no...? *waits for the shock that isn't there* Hey, thanks for solving that problem!  
  
Are you attracted to the same sex: As stated before, apparently not!  
  
Do you have any kinky fantasies, if so, what: Eh, no- *gets shock* ARGH! Alright, alright... my fantasy is bondage. But please don't tell Father!  
  
Last question, do you think Azkaban is a kinky place: How the fuck should I know?! I guess so!  
  
Thank you for your time.  
  
Quote:  
  
Tom Felton: "Kids of six and under have a real thing against me. They cringe and start crying. Some kids are really quite terrified of me. I even scared the director Chris Columbus's children when I first met them. It's upsetting and not very nice because I'm not like that in real life. But at least it proves you've done your job well."  
  
~~ Hope I did this one okay! Tell me your thoughts, cha cha cha! (Love to say that...) Next chapter: Sirius Black's answers!~~ 


	4. Sirius Black's answers!

Full Name: Sirius Philip Elliot Black The Third... No shit!  
  
Age: 37, but still acting like a toddler, and loving it!  
  
Height: Depends on it... Dog or human form? *gets shocked* You WERE serious when you said we would be getting shocks?! *gets shocked* I TAKE THAT AS A YES! Average, or maybe a bit longer than that, I don't know exactly.  
  
Hair colour: Black with pink (Damn Remus and his stupid jokes...)  
  
Eyes: Two of 'em, actually! *gets shocked* Brown!  
  
Birthplace: London  
  
Current residence: Hogwarts, as Remus' Defence Against The Dark Arts... assistant. But actually, I'm not doing much.  
  
Favourite place lived: Hoggy Worty Hogwartz!  
  
Do you have any piercings, if so, where: Errr... Have a few in my ears, and when I was younger, I had one in my nose. But that got terribly infected, so only my ears count, I guess.  
  
Do you have any tatoo's, if so, where: Uh... No...! *gets shocked* OK, I get the point! Yes, I've got 'Seriously Sirius' tattooed on my back, the same motorcycle I had on my right shoulder and 'Woof' around my navel...  
  
Do you have any pets: Not anymore, gave Ron my owl. Aren't I sweet?  
  
Ever been in love: Yeah, lots of times...  
  
**Bad habit**: I have no manners. Really, I don't.  
  
Are you addicted to anything, if so, what: Pranks! I still haven't grown up, mentally speaking!  
  
**Favourite word**: Moose. I mean... come on, moooooooooooooooooose!  
  
Favourite day of the week: Monday!  
  
Favourite non-alcoholic drink: Water. Helps getting the hangover away quicker.  
  
**Favourite 'naughty' word**: Bullocks. I just love to say that...  
  
**Favourite part of the body**: Penis!  
  
Favourite movie: I'm quite a big fan of the Star Wars movies, actually...  
  
Favourite TV-show: I don't really have a favourite... *gets shocked* Buffy the Vampire Slayer!  
  
Favourite song: Family Reunion, by Blink 182 is nice, a song with only cusswords! Shit piss fuck...  
  
Favourite holiday: Christmas.  
  
Favourite food: Chicken!  
  
Favourite sport: Muggle Tennis is fine... especially the girls in short skirts...  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did: Oh, so many things... *gets shocked* Ack! All right, I saw this Muggle show, 'Jackass' or something, and I got inspired. So I stole a shopping cart from a Muggle shop, sat in it, NAKED, and Remus pushed the cart, and I fell. Really, really, REALLY hard. You do NOT want to know the rest of it, trust me.  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did (in public): See previous question...  
  
**Silliest job you ever had**: Trying to sell perfumes that smell like camel piss...  
  
**Silliest word**: Moose. Didn't I say that before?  
  
What colour socks are you wearing right now: *checks* One red, one blue. Silly me.  
  
What colour underwear are you wearing right now: *checks* uh... *blushes* None...  
  
Most annoying thing is: Must be Severus. Yeah. Pretty sure. Severus.  
  
~Now for the questions everyone wants to know!~  
  
Are you a virgin: *thinks sarcastically* Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... no!  
  
Ever had sex: What?! This is the same que- *gets shocked* Obviously, YES!  
  
Are you gay: Guy, girl, I don't care!  
  
Are you attracted to the same sex: ... Wait. This is AGAIN, the same question!! *gets shocked* I SWING BOTH WAYS, OKAY!  
  
Do you have any kinky fantasies, if so, what: Nah.  
  
Last question, do you think Azkaban is a kinky place: ...Well, as I've been there for 13 years, I say, yes. The Dementors didn't get me, though... Kinky creatures, Dementors. Kids, be good, or else you'll get raped by a Dementor!  
  
Thank you for your time.  
  
Quote:  
  
Gary Oldman: "It's great being on the set, it's like joining a family."  
  
(Sorry bout the crappy quote, couldn't find a funny one...)  
  
~~ Silly Sirius... Review please, or no more cake for you!! Next chapter: Remus Lupin's answers!~~ 


	5. Remus Lupin's answers!

Ay! Yes, after a long pause, (I was on holiday to Ireland!) I'm back! Anyways, the questions that are marked with an * are new! Yes, my creative muse struck again! I also made them for Sev, Draco and Sirius! If you like 'em, check 'em out!  
  
Full Name: Remus James Lupin  
  
Age: 37. The grey hair is FASHION, all right!  
  
Height: I seem to shrink a bit when moon is rising. Strange, huh!  
  
Hair colour: Brown with grey strokes. It's fashion, ok!!  
  
Eyes: Lightbrown  
  
Birthplace: Manchester  
  
Current residence: Hogwarts!  
  
Favourite place lived: I always loved Hogwarts, I see this as the place where I belong  
  
Do you have any piercings, if so, where: Nope...  
  
Do you have any tatoo's, if so, where: Yeah... I've got "Big Bad Wolf" on my back. Rather silly, eh...  
  
Do you have any pets: I've got an owl name Moo.  
  
Ever been in love: Oh yes...  
  
**Bad habit**: I hurt myself, every month. Badly. But I'm not doing it on purpose, so I don't know if that counts...  
  
Are you addicted to anything, if so, what: Chocolate! I'd kill for that gooey, brown, orgasmic, delicious stuff... Hmm... *drools on parchment* Oh shit... sorry, Albus...  
  
**Favourite word**: Chocolate!!  
  
Favourite day of the week: I don't care, I love em all!  
  
Favourite non-alcoholic drink: Hot chocolate milk, obviously!  
  
**Favourite 'naughty' word**: Fuck. Just plain and simple fuck.  
  
**Favourite part of the body**: Nose. Don't know why, really...  
  
Favourite movie: Willy Wonka and the Cholate Factory!  
  
Favourite TV-show: Cartoons are great! I'm currently quite fond of Pinky and the Brain  
  
Favourite song: 'Born to be wild' by Steppenwolf! Ironic, don't you think.  
  
Favourite holiday: Easter... Chocolate eggs!  
  
Favourite food: Chocolate, obviously! For some strange reason Sev gets really pissed off when he sees me eating chocolate. Crazy guy...  
  
Favourite sport: Oh I don't know... I'm too lazy for that. Though I like watching Quidditch.  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did: Poking that werewolf with a stick was certainly NOT a good idea.  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did (in public): No idea. *gets shocked* Whoa! The chocolate bar in my pocket just melted!! Well, er... once, we had this huge party in the Gryffindor common room, and some mates and me danced and uhm... stripped to the YMCA song...  
  
**Silliest job you ever had**: I... err... uhm... worked in a sexshop in Knockturn Alley for some time...  
  
**Silliest word**: Rhinoceros  
  
What colour socks are you wearing right now: Brown. Matches the hair.  
  
What colour underwear are you wearing right now: Errr... red, I think... silly question...  
  
Most annoying thing is: Time of the month.  
  
~Now for the questions everyone wants to know!~  
  
Are you a virgin: No...  
  
Ever had sex: I'm not gonna fall for this one! *gets shocked* Oi! I was just about to answer 'yes'!  
  
Are you gay: Hm... I don't care what I am. As long as it feels nice, it's all good.  
  
Are you attracted to the same sex: Hold on... *looks at last question* Didn't I just answer tha- *gets shocked* Hey!! I didn't lie, did I! *gets shocked again* I get the point! Don't care!  
  
Do you have any kinky fantasies, if so, what: Sure, lots! Muggle airplanes sound like a nice adventure...  
  
Last question, do you think Azkaban is a kinky place: From what Sirius told me, I can conclude it is...  
  
Thank you for your time.  
  
~Oh my God, I couldn't find a quote from David Thewlis! I am so sorry for all you David fans... I'm real sorry! Next Chapter: *dum dum dumm!!* Oh yes, the one and only, the man with the beautiful long blonde hair, flashy blue eyes and his sexy snake cane: LUCIUS MALFOY! ~ 


	6. Lucius Malfoy's answers!

'Ey, Lucius!' Lucius Malfoy looked up. 'What is it?!' The witch was used to getting hissed at. 'This came in the mail for ya!' She threw an envelope on his desk. Lucius sighed. 'Not another love letter...' The witch snorted. 'Sorry, mate, it's some sort of test. Everyone got one. It's from Albus.' Lucius coughed. 'Dumbledore, eh? A love letter from him... who knew?!' The witch sighed. 'Just... fill it in, ok? See ya!' She was gone.  
  
Lucius looked at the envelope. 'Dumbledore is in love with me?!' The witch was suddenly back. 'No, stupid blonde! It's a TEST!' She ripped the envelope open and a piece of parchment fell out. She shoved it under his nose. 'See! Now, be a good boy and fill it in for Uncle Albus, all right!' She disappeared again.  
  
He looked at the parchment, which had 'Please answer honestly or you'll get shocked!' on it in big red letters. 'Oooh, kinky!' Lucius grabbed a quill and started writing.  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Full Name: Lucius William Malfoy  
  
Age: Thirty-five! *gets shocked* Hey!! Watch out for the hair! I'm really 39, alright?!  
  
Height: Just a bit taller than the average wizard. So I can look down them. Malfoy power!  
  
Hair colour: Blonde, and exceptionally beautiful  
  
Eyes: Lightblue/grey  
  
Birthplace: Oxford  
  
Current residence: Office. *gets shocked* What?!! I *am* at the office! Oh wait, you mean where I live?! Why didn't you say so... Malfoy Manor!  
  
Favourite place lived: Malfoy Manor. I find cool new things every day, because it's so big, you know...  
  
Do you have any piercings, if so, where: No.  
  
Do you have any tatoo's, if so, where: No. *gets shocked* Agghhh, my pretty hair!! Ok, I got the Dark Mark on my arm and 'Luscious' around my navel...  
  
Do you have any pets: Lots! I don't even remember how many!  
  
Ever been in love: It wasn't love it was lust! But yeah, I fell in love  
  
**Bad habit**: What, apart from the killing? I guess being too sexy for my own good  
  
Are you addicted to anything, if so, what: Myself. And my sexy snake cane, obviously.  
  
**Favourite word**: Luscious, for obvious reasons  
  
Favourite day of the week: Sunday. Don't ask me why, it's just like that  
  
Favourite non-alcoholic drink: Don't care  
  
**Favourite 'naughty' word**: It's fun to say 'Youuuuuu CUNT!'  
  
**Favourite part of the body**: Everything about me is perfect  
  
Favourite movie: Wizard of Oz  
  
Favourite TV-show: None  
  
Favourite song: The muffin Man song. It's so much fun! "Do you know the muffin man, muffin man? Well?! DO YOU?! No? you do not know the muffin man? AVADA KEDAVRA!" always put me in a good mood.  
  
Favourite holiday: I don't kn- oh wait! Christmas! Presents for meeeee, all the presents for meeeeeee!  
  
Favourite food: Muggle! *gets shocked* My hair! My beautiful long, blonde, sexy hair!! What a world, what a world...I'd say Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans than. If I get a nasty bean, I have a good excuse to kill someone!  
  
Favourite sport: Snowboarding! It's great to impress Muggles with my neat tricks, with a little help of good ol' Wingardium Leviosa!  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did: Having Draco. He's so whiney! I'm gonna buy a new kid one of these days...  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did (in public): Dressing up like a whore in Muggle London. Definitely. The cool thing is, though, people were hittin' on me!  
  
**Silliest job you ever had**: I was a gigolo once. But I got fired because I was too damn sexy...  
  
**Silliest word**: Errr... cat?  
  
What colour socks are you wearing right now: Black. Obviously. Black looks great on me.  
  
What colour underwear are you wearing right now: I don't think that's any of your busine- *gets shocked* Nooo! My hair!! It's black, alright!  
  
Most annoying thing is: Draco. He is just so annoying. "Father, Harry Potter has a cool scar and I don't. Father, buy a broomstick for me. Father, while you're at it, buy new broomsticks for the whole damn Slytherin team..."  
  
~Now for the questions everyone wants to know!~  
  
Are you a virgin: Draco didn't just drop out of the sky, you know! So, no.  
  
Ever had sex: Isn't this the same bloody que- *gets shocked* YES!  
  
Are you gay: Excuse me?! I've got a wife and a kid!  
  
Are you attracted to the same sex: Déjà vu! *gets shocked* Just look at the previous question! My beautiful hair... *sob*  
  
Do you have any kinky fantasies, if so, what: Nah, not really. My wife does whatever I say, so I guess they're all fulfilled.  
  
Last question, do you think Azkaban is a kinky place: I... I don't know... I'll check some time.  
  
Thank you for your time.  
  
Quote:  
  
Jason Isaacs: "It's all about the hair for me."  
  
( Well, he IS right... the hair... the cane... the man, Lucius Malfoy!)  
  
~~ Whoaaa, so many reviews! I just want to thank each of you, you all make me feel good!  
Next chapter: Arthur Weasley's answers!~~ 


	7. Arthur Weasley's answers!

Full Name: Arthur Weasley  
  
Age: 40... Time goes fast, doesn't it?  
  
Height: No idea... not really long, that's for sure  
  
Hair colour: Red, obviously!  
  
Eyes: Blue  
  
Birthplace: London  
  
Current residence: The Burrow  
  
Favourite place lived: The Burrow of course...  
  
Do you have any piercings, if so, where: Nah  
  
Do you have any tatoo's, if so, where: Those neither. I'm boring, aren't I...  
  
Do you have any pets: Well, let's think... Ron's got the owl, Pig I think it's called, and Errol... and... wait, we have some more animals, don't we? ... I forgot.  
  
Ever been in love: Well, of course! With my lovely Molly  
  
**Bad habit**: Stalking Muggles...  
  
Are you addicted to anything, if so, what: Muggle stuff! I mean, whoa, I was walking trough Muggle London last Saturday, and you wouldn't believe what I saw! Complutars! I really want one of those, but Molly's being a bitch and I can't have one...  
  
**Favourite word**: Muggle!  
  
Favourite day of the week: Any day is a party at the Burrow  
  
Favourite non-alcoholic drink: Vanilla coke, real Muggle drink, cool huh!  
  
**Favourite 'naughty' word**: Bugger  
  
**Favourite part of the body**: The hair... I like it red  
  
Favourite movie: I don't know, there are so many good ones...  
  
Favourite TV-show: See previous question  
  
Favourite song: I like Queen songs, but I don't have a favourite...  
  
Favourite holiday: Easter, don't ask me why, it's just like that  
  
Favourite food: Fish 'n chips, just like the Muggles  
  
Favourite sport: Muggle Football, it's fascinating! They just run, run, run... How do they do that? So much running...  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did: I don't know... *gets shocked* Hey!! Oh, do I HAVE to answer this one? *gets shocked again* Damn... Well, this one time I asked Harry what a... uhm... *cough*Dildo*cough* is.  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did (in public): Dressing up like a "Muggle", how the Hell should I know Muggles don't walk around wearing a tutu?!  
  
**Silliest job you ever had**: Well, it's not really silly, but the things that happened around me WERE silly. I was an ice cream man! It was really cool, except some kids go totally insane, screaming "ICE CREAM MAN!! ICE CREAM MAN!!!!!" "ME FIRST ME FIRST!!" "GET OUT OF MY WAY, I WANT AN ICE CREAM!!"  
  
**Silliest word**: Cryptograms, though it's lots of fun to make them  
  
What colour socks are you wearing right now: None!  
  
What colour underwear are you wearing right now: Uhmm... Err... Green... But it has absolutely NOTHING to do with a Slytherin or whatsoever!  
  
Most annoying thing is: Muggle haters, I mean, how can you hate those lovely, smart people?  
  
~Now for the questions everyone wants to know!~  
  
Are you a virgin: I've got 7 kids, y'know...  
  
Ever had sex: Huh? *gets shocked* Obviously YES!  
  
Are you gay: SEVEN. Kids. Wife. No.  
  
Are you attracted to the same sex: But... *gets shocked* Albus!! You sadist! No! SEVEN KIDS AND A WIFE.  
  
Do you have any kinky fantasies, if so, what: No.  
  
Last question, do you think Azkaban is a kinky place: I honestly do not know, though I've heard some (very disturbing) rumours.  
  
Thank you for your time.  
  
~~Blah, can't find a quote. Don't bitch about it... Hmmm... who should I let these questions answer next? Decisions, decisions...Uhmm what about The Boy Who Lived himself? Yeah, I think I'll do just that! Please review or else I'll... yeah, you know... stuff... ~~ 


	8. Harry Potter's answers!

~So... many... reviews... Thank you all so much!!  
  
Yeah, I know Arthur's a very boring wizard (in the last chappy he was anyway...) so forgive me for that one...~  
  
Full Name: Harry James Potter  
  
Age: 15  
  
Height: Errm, don't know... Not very tall  
  
Hair colour: Black  
  
Eyes: Green. Everyone knows that, don't they...  
  
Birthplace: Godric's... Whatever it was called  
  
Current residence: Hogwarts  
  
Favourite place lived: Hogwarts. Definitely  
  
Do you have any piercings, if so, where: No...  
  
Do you have any tatoo's, if so, where: Yep... got 'Portkeys suck!' around my navel. But please do NOT tell Skeeter about this...  
  
Do you have any pets: *rolls eyes* oh come on, as if no one knows this already... You know the snow owl? Yeah, that's mine.  
  
Ever been in love: Uhmm sure.  
  
**Bad habit**: Being such a pain in the arse to Voldemort, seeing he always tries to kill me...  
  
Are you addicted to anything, if so, what: Danger, or so it seems.  
  
**Favourite word**: Hagrid. Never noticed how many times I actually say his name?  
  
Favourite day of the week: Saturdays, doin' nothing!  
  
Favourite non-alcoholic drink: Pumpkin Juice... boring, aren't I?  
  
**Favourite 'naughty' word**: Elephant cock.  
  
**Favourite part of the body**: Scaaar... everyone seems so extremely obsessed by it.  
  
Favourite film: Never really had the chance to watch a film while living with the Dursleys...  
  
Favourite TV-show: Same as previous question...  
  
Favourite song: Over My Head from Lit  
  
Favourite holiday: Christmas, it's always very warm and pleasant at Hogwarts at that time  
  
Favourite food: Sweets, just like any other teenager  
  
Favourite sport: QUIDDITCH!! QUIDDITCH QUIDDITCH QUIDDITCH!!! *starts yelling* QUIDDIIIIT... I mean... *coughs* Yeah, Quidditch is... Nice...  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did: Surviving Voldemort let's say... FOUR times??  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did (in public): *quickly* Can't remember! *gets shocked* HEEY!!! Professor! Why did you do that, I AM The Boy Who Lived, you know!! You can't just go 'n do that to ME, I saved everyone's butt an- *gets shocked again* Argh! Alright, alright... Farting in a *very* crowded elevator. Now buzz off.  
  
**Silliest job you ever had**: Never had a job. To make money.  
  
**Silliest word**: Hippogriff still makes me giggle...  
  
What colour socks are you wearing right now: Red. DUH, I'm a GRYFFINDOR!!  
  
What colour underwear are you wearing right now: Red and golden... Thong...  
  
Most annoying thing is: Voldemort. I mean, damn, can't he just STOP trying to take over the world for just ONE year? Who does he think he is anyway, Darth Vader!?  
  
~Now for the questions everyone wants to know!~  
  
Are you a virgin: As far as I know, yes.  
  
Ever had sex: This is the sa- *gets shocked* NOOOO!  
  
Are you gay: Uhm uhm uhm... err... Well... It's... uhm... I am whatever the fanfiction writers make of me, right? *smiles faintly*  
  
Are you attracted to the same sex: I think you're getting a bit too ol' for this, Professor, it's the same question agai- *gets shocked* I DON'T KNOW!  
  
Do you have any kinky fantasies, if so, what: Shh!! Don't say such things, these are CHILDRENS books... GOSH!  
  
Last question, do you think Azkaban is a kinky place: Dunno.  
  
Thank you for your time.  
  
Quote:  
  
Daniel Radcliffe: 'My biggest fear is being forced to eat vegetables!'  
  
A real Gryffindor speaking there...  
  
And, just because he talks to much (Or better to say,. EVERYONE wants a bloody interview with him...) here's another quote...  
  
'The weirdest thing is seeing me in LEGO! I actually sat there for half an hour and built me!'  
  
And GOD, another one!  
  
"I'm not a cake person."  
  
Cake? You fool! Cake is yummy, cake is good, you eat the cake and it goes right to your... tummy. Hell, that rhymed. *very pleased*  
  
~Yeah so... I think the next chappy will be... *drumrolls* VOLDEMORT! Now don't start bitching at me that Ron and Hermione should be first because Harry had his turn, yadda yadda, sorry people, but it's still my story. Don't kill me please...~ 


	9. Lord Voldemort's answers!

'S...sir?' Voldemort glared down, evil and superior. 'What?!' 'An... an owl just delivered th... this, sir...' Wormtail stuttered and showed a piece of parchment. 'I see. So!?' 'It... it's from Du... Dum... Dum...' 'What?! Dumdum? Who the hell is Dumdum?!' Voldemort spat. 'Dumbledore!' 'Oh, so now you've got a petname for Dumbledore?' The Dark Lord laughed diabolically.  
  
'N... no sir!!' Wormtail was on the edge of bursting into tears. 'I was being evil and sarcastic, you twit!' 'Oh... well... an... anyway... Wouldn't you... like to... y'know... re... read it?' Lord Voldemort rolled his eyes. 'Oh alright. Let's see then.' He snatched the parchment out of Wormtail's hand, making him wince, and started reading it out loud.  
  
'"Dear Mr Voldiepants.." VOLDIEPANTS?!!!' Wormtail immediately cowered. '"This is a list of questions. W'd like you to fill this in and sent it back as soon as possible." Ooookay...' Voldemort looked sceptically. 'Why should I?!' 'Be... because you've got... no... nothing b... better to do, sir?' Wormtail said. 'Ah, yes. I guess you're right.'  
  
Full Name: Tom Marv- I mean... The evil Lord Voldemort! Muahahahaha- *chokes and starts coughing* Next.. *cough* question... *wheeze*  
  
Age: Immortal!! Mwhaha!  
  
Height: Who cares?! I'm the Dark Lord!  
  
Hair colour: ...You bitch! Just wait, I'll have my revenge for this one!!  
  
Eyes: Red and REALLY evil *wicked grin*  
  
Birthplace: Havermouth  
  
Current residence: Do you really I'll just go and tell everyone about my very secret location? I'd be daft if I- *gets shocked* Hey!! *gets shocked again* Stop that! I'm the Dark Lord!! *gets shocked once again* Oh alright, I'm... somewhere in a very secret underground lair. *pinky to the mouth*  
  
Favourite place lived: Oh, basically everywhere, that doesn't matter much to me, as long as I get to kill people. Preferably Muggles.  
  
Do you have any piercings, if so, where: No, I've just got my damn body back!  
  
Do you have any tatoo's, if so, where: Does 'tatoo placing' counts? If not, no.  
  
Do you have any pets: Sure, some owls, some evil dangerous creatures, and the list goes on and on  
  
Ever been in love: *quickly* No. *gets shocked* Argh! So alright, I was!!  
  
**Bad habit**: Killing people...?  
  
Are you addicted to anything, if so, what: See previous question  
  
**Favourite word**: Mudbloooood!!  
  
Favourite day of the week: The day I get to kill people. Which can be any random day of the week.  
  
Favourite non-alcoholic drink: Unicorn blood. May sound gross, but it's greaaat!  
  
**Favourite 'naughty' word**: Monkeyballs  
  
**Favourite part of the body**: Everything about me is evil and awesome  
  
Favourite movie: Ugh, that's a Muggle thing right? Well... when I was younger I once watched a Christmas Carol and it was pretty cool. But only the first 20 minutes, after those Scrooge gets all sappy.  
  
Favourite TV-show: I'm a full time evil Dark Lord, no time for that, and, it's a MUGGLE thing!  
  
Favourite song: Sympathy For the Devil, Rolling Stones. My new pick up line now is, Pleased to meet you, can you guess my name?  
  
Favourite holiday: I need to create a new Holiday, like Easter... Except the egg eating will be replaced by Muggle killing.  
  
Favourite food: Don't care, as long as it's fancy and evil.  
  
Favourite sport: Muggle hunting  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did: Letting Lucius have that last Chocolate Frog, it was MINE, ALL MINE!!!!  
  
Stupidest thing you ever did (in public): Letting that Potter boy get away so many times, very embarrassing  
  
**Silliest job you ever had**: Part time Dark Lord didn't suit me. Full time Dark Lord is perfect, though.  
  
**Silliest word**: Seal. I mean... what the hell?!  
  
What colour socks are you wearing right now: Evil doesn't wear socks, you cunt!  
  
What colour underwear are you wearing right now: I'm the bloody Dark Lord! I don't need that!  
  
Most annoying thing is: Harry Potter. Damn him. DAMN HIM!!  
  
~Now for the questions everyone wants to know!~  
  
Are you a virgin: Uhm, no.  
  
Ever had sex: ... You asked this alre- *gets shocked* Damn it!! Yes!  
  
Are you gay: As far as I know, no.  
  
Are you attracted to the same sex: ...Same question aga- *gets shocked* Don't think so!!  
  
Do you have any kinky fantasies, if so, what: Not really, I'm Lord Voldemort, if I want to have sex with someone, I'll just RAPE!  
  
Last question, do you think Azkaban is a kinky place: I've heard certain things...  
  
Thank you for your time.  
  
Couldn't find a quote... Oh, enough with the lies, I was too lazy to find one. Sorry?  
  
~~ Sorry it took so long, but well... I'm a lazy bitch!  
Next chapter: Ron!~~ 


End file.
